FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
