Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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