You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You ate ashes out of my bong
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
