what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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