Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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