I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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