Even the bartender felt bad for me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
3 2 1 whiskey
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
