I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
