Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
