It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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