right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
