Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
