he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
