Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i think i have herpe
just one?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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