i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
