Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
