You're my little dorito
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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