Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
