I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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