Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
