the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
