I hate your face
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
