I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
being pregnant is like rehab
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
