Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
barbara walters just said penis...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
