I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
