Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
