I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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