When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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