So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sext me about skeletons
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
