Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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