ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
