Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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