You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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