Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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