Jerry, you need to find god
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
