The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
