I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
false alarm, still single
Randomize