Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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