Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
