I think im going to throw up on grandma
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
