forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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