I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
