ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
