Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
