That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
