Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
