had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
