Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
