We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
