when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
