hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
