the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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