I have demons in me.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
