in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize