theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize