would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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