I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize