fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize