is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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