She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
