"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
