got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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