the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
