my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
