you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
