I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
