it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
