Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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