I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
