He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I could fuck to npr.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
