if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
