my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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