He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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