I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
