My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
