i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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