i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
