So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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