these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize