I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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