Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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