I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
