I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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