did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
