I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize