Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
